Research shows that 38% of people make resolutions, and only 9% of them stick to it all year long. In fact, an average resolution lasts only 3.74 months. We make them at the start of every year, follow them for about 2 weeks and promptly drop them from our lives until it is time to make new ones. And then we rinse. And repeat. No more! It ends here.
The History
We’ve been making resolutions for about 4000 years. From Babylonians, to Ancient Romans, all the way down to you, dear reader. We are from a long line of people, standing on the shoulders of giants. Admittedly back in the days resolutions looked more like promises to pay their debts, return borrowed objects, etc. People were rewarded by their gods if the resolutions were upheld, and punished by them if not.
Why do we set them?
New year resolutions evolved into more secularity and have gained a flavor of self-improvement as a central idea for most of them. A night and day difference from the Babylonian age, but there are good reasons why this practice has survived 4 millenia.
They mark beginnings. Like the starting line at a 100m dash. It just makes sense, to start from the beginning! Where else would we start, right? The perceived start of a new year gives us an opportunity to put in efforts at the “start” of the year. The way our brains are wired, at the start, motivation flows naturally. For example, a new hobby. The excitement to learn and the sheer novelty of it all thrills us. Beginnings also bring into focus our goals, and ambitions. What kind of person do we want to be, and what do we need to do to get there. Year-ends also kinda force us to zoom out, take into account the year we’ve had and where we want to go from here. All these reasons lead us to make new year’s resolutions, but why and when do they become stressful?
Why can Resolutions be so stressful?
They sound so nice and wholesome until one day you wake up and realize they’ve turned on you and have become a source of shame, pain, and embarrassment (depending on how many people know you’re not sticking to your resolutions XD). Here are some reasons why resolutions can be stressful:
- If you don’t know what you want: In this case, the very act of making resolutions can become stressful. If you don’t know where you are, how can you chart a course to where you want to be?!
- Uninformed and inefficient resolution-making process: Resolution setting is a skill-set that may be learned and improved. But until that’s done, where impractical resolutions are the norm, a person may get chafed. Like wearing shoes that don’t fit!
- If resolutions chase a “perfect ideal”: Resolutions like I want to be happy, or I want to be rich chase this impossible target. Target that we THINK we want but are just ideals drilled into us over time. When goals aren’t personalized to what we want, they may quickly turn sour.
- Prey of Peer-Pressure: When we see the scores of people around us making resolutions, we may also want to be a part of it. It is human nature. Kinda like when we drink even when we don’t want to, for the sake of fitting in. We may not even stop to think if it’s what we want. When that happens, the resolutions that we make echo this herd-mentality and may strip the entire activity of any possible personal purpose.
- Resolutions as Short-Term Fixes for Deep-Seated Issues: Resolutions may give us the feeling that we’re getting our life together but don’t contain any of the work required to make it sustainable. Like a resolution to workout regularly where the underlying problem is a deeply unhelpful body image. A person may be regular initially but when they struggle with their familiar demons and working out no longer helps, the resolution becomes stressful. Or like making an exam time-table that you don’t follow and it keeps stressing you out.
How to Set Better Resolutions?
Are you thinking – well then how in saint nicholas do I set these dagnabbit resolutions? We got you! We also have Rudolph hostage in case Mr. Claus is reading this. Some ways to improve your resolution making skills are as follows:
- Zoom out more often and Update your Resolutions: Don’t wait for the end of the year to force you into a jittering frenzy of resolution-making. Every so often zoom out, look at your life, and try adapting your current resolutions to your updated goals. Because goals can also be dynamic and change in response to our life!
- Make a list of what YOU want: Introspect, and write it down. Writing it down is important here because when you write it down you can surmise if that’s what you want, or if you want to edit it. After you have your list, think about WHY you want to do it. This is the meat, the reason that will help you stick with your resolution. When you do this you will be able to tell immediately if your goal is fueled by helpful or unhelpful forces!
- Ask yourself, “What’s the role of this goal in my life?”: Let us clarify. What is the role that food plays in our life? Nourishment, and sustenance. There’s a need that it fulfills. Just like that, resolutions fulfill (usually psychological in nature) some needs. They may be different for different people. Sometimes our resolutions fulfill dysfunctional needs which can be weeded out for healthier resolutions. Like addressing body image issues instead of simply working out! So finding this out can help you structure your resolution and even increase your motivation.
- Make your resolution SMART:
- Specific: A specific resolution may look like “I want to be able to run a 5k with a decent time by May”. Specific resolutions are helpfully detailed so you know what it is that you want to achieve.
- Measurable: Having a way to measure how far along you are in keeping your resolutions is also helpful. This scale can be highly personal, as long as it works for you! So instead of a resolution like “I will get fit” a measurable one would look like “I will lose 5kgs this month”.
- Attainable: Resolutions that aren’t attainable naturally fall flat sooner rather than later. Knowing how to uphold a resolution or finding out how to will help you “attain” your resolution. The kind of effort and resources you will need for it.
- Realistic: A realistic resolution is one that you are willing to achieve, and you CAN achieve.
Even if you’re willing to lose 10 kilos within a week, it may simply not be possible for you to do so. It is crucial to understand how much you are willing to invest in the resolution.
- Time-Bound: Death gives urgency to our life. A meaning to each day we live. A reminder to live while we can. So is also true for resolutions. Resolutions that don’t have a time component lack the primal driving factor that our brains need. If you think you can do it whenever you end up doing it never.
- Break Down your Goal: Imagine your goal to be a giant pie, as much as you may want to eat it all at once, going at it in chunks is probably better for you. So is true for goals. So a goal to become an astronaut may begin with smaller steps -like taking science with math (requirements to become an astronaut)- that lead up to the goal itself. The steps may be as small as you want them to be, it depends on you and the kind of goal you want to achieve. If you don’t know where to start, your first step may be to find out how to go about achieving the goal whilst conferring with professionals (whether in person, or through youtube, etc), books, or the world wide web.
- Persevere and Celebrate: As the going gets going, the going may get drab and boring. That’s how goings go. Yet that’s the exact time where the reasons for our goings come into picture. They helps us persevere and stick to our goals. A system of support like friends and family can also help us stay true to our goals. And when we achieve that one small step towards that sweet, sweet goal. You know what time it is, it is time to CELEBRATE! Every step no matter how small, is a step towards where you want to be, or who you want to be. And that’s Awesome! Taking time out to celebrate these small wins can also help you persevere on your journey.
So, if your resolutions are well thought-out, well-understood, personalized, SMART, and celebrated you will be well on your way to not just sticking to your resolutions, but become much better at figuring out what it is that you actually want from life. And how you wish to achieve it. It may take a while to master this skill, but hey, that could be one of your new year resolutions! Make sure they’re SMART, and if you want support with that, we’re always just a phone call away!
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