As every romantic song to ever come out from Bollywood would have us believe- we are incomplete without our partner, life is incomplete without our partner, incomplete is incomplete without our partner. And by extension they conclude- being single is bad. One must be involved, committed, or at the very least looking. Singleness, the state of being romantically unattached, happens to all of us. In fact, we all start out that way. But the question remains- is being single bad for us? Let’s find out!
Single: Bad?
The Indian Society takes a very simple approach to marriage. If you reach that “magic” age, well then, of course you must get married. Simple to understand, yes, simple in practice, hardly. There are a couple reasons (none of them scientific, unsurprisingly) why our society deems singlehood as something to get rid of in a person of marriageable age – the same knee-jerk reaction one may experience when they sight a gross animal (rodents, cockroaches, lizards – pick your poison) in their room.
- Status Symbol – Society has a habit of equating status with relationship status. It is subconscious but having a partner may become a way for people to look down on those that don’t have a partner. The haves feeling superior to the have-nots.
- Benchmark – On the journey of life, marriage is considered (and understandably so) an important milestone. A benchmark that our society uses to gauge how someone’s life is going so if you’re married it means that you have your life together.
- The Irrational Chain – A chain of reasoning that goes somewhat like; if you’re single you will have no support, then you will have no love, you will die alone and never be fulfilled. The certainty in these statements betray the irrationality that lurks beneath.
- Labels: Judgments are passed on single people. They sound like “oh they must be unlovable”, “they’re ugly and unwanted” “they suck”. The judgments we pass on others are often ones that we subject ourselves to. Our parents, uncles and aunties do it to us, their family and friends did it to them, so on and so forth. These judgments catch us unawares as innocent kids and corner us into believing them over time.
What does the Science say?
Previous research has shown that an individual’s social connections (including romantic relationships) can decrease likelihood of feeling sad, lonely, and other unpleasant experiences. It even has an impact on one’s mental health. Newer research has added much needed nuance; they highlight the element of choice. It states that the ill-effects of singlehood depend on whether someone is single voluntarily (because they want to be single) or involuntarily (because they can’t find a partner, aren’t allowed to be in relationships, etc). In a study individuals who voluntarily choose singlehood reported a lower level of romantic loneliness. Another study revealed that those that are satisfied with their chosen single status are more likely to experience greater satisfaction, self-fulfillment, and less distress. And to top it all off, voluntarily single people who are able to fulfill their attachment needs from other relationships (like family, friends, etc) can also experience benefits to their psychological well-being.
So is singlehood bad? By itself, absolutely not. Its ill effects manifest more prominently when a person isn’t able to fulfill their attachment needs, or is single not by their choice (cue jag soona soona). So if you’re single and not ready to mingle, good for you! And if you are, good for you! As long as the choice is yours, it won’t hamper your physical and mental health.
Reference
1.https://natalieorosen.com/single-but-not-down-to-mingle-the-psychology-behind-long-term-singlehood/
2. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-016-9478-3