Haven’t received that six-figure paycheck you hoped to receive at 25? Did not marry by 30? Feeling like you haven’t done as much as you were “supposed” to do by this time in your life?
We KNOW that you have felt this way at some point in your life because we’ve never met someone who hasn’t!
Being a part of society comes with its challenges. The unspoken pressures that society imposes on us to cross certain benchmarks in life within a “time limit” is termed the social clock. The truth is that a lot of us try to fit into and follow this timeline, but not all of us succeed in doing so, and here’s why that is okay.
The social clock is a concept that was introduced by social psychologist Bernice Neugarten to explain the predictive timeline of life and aging. According to this theory, major life events followed a pace that was:
- Collective in nature
- Subjective to different cultures, societies, and generations
What seems to be socially acceptable to one society, may seem strange to another. Like who can wear outside shoes inside the house and how clearly wearing shoes inside the house is madness. Or so people from our country may rightfully feel.
Why do most of us rely on this shared judgment of what is the “best” time for certain life events?
- We are social beings and want to feel a sense of belongingness.
- The more we align our lives to the expectations of society, the more accepted we feel.
- Reduces the chances of being excluded or shunned by society.
- Less stress and worry associated with letting down our family’s expectations.
- Reduced sense of personal dissatisfaction as a result of lesser self-judgment.
Apart from the above-mentioned factors, sharing common milestones with a group may help us feel more secure and nullify the feeling of being “left behind” which is often associated with danger or risk. After all, back in primal times being away from the herd could very well be fatal to the stranded people. The brain finds it difficult to shake off this intergenerational learning even though now we are quite safe, even in solitude.
Social clock and mental health
A lot of times, comparing ourselves to these social standards may help us make vital decisions that shape our lives and can surely be motivational for some, yet painfully debilitating for others.
When does this become a cause for concern? The compulsive need to “keep up” has significant impacts on our mental health, some of which are:
- Increased anxiety
- Stress
- Increased chances of depression
- Lowers self-esteem
Many times we equate this inability to “catch up” with peers, to failure and this judgment is inaccurate. We all have our distinct paths and timelines. There is no catch-up, there is only the life we choose to live, the way we choose to live it.
Social media and the social clock
The life of another is now at our fingertips. This ease of accessibility and a state of constant availability makes it easier to compare ourselves to many people, acquaintances, friends, celebrities, etc.
Two studies were conducted on Facebook users and the results indicated that:
33% of Facebook users reported feeling unhappy while on that social media as a result of “envying” their Facebook friends.
The more hours spent on Facebook, the more likely a person is to believe that others are happier than them.
This shows how social media accelerates the already existing mental health pitfalls that come with the social pressure of living by the clock.
Coping with the pressure of the social clock
1. Social c(onstruct)lock: The social clock is a social construct, an illusion. Trying to keep on the “right” path may keep you away from the path you want to be on.
2. Shifting focus: Focusing on personal goals instead of comparing ourselves to others may help you ease into your clock.
3. Time-based decisions: Minimize decisions based on time. Judgments based on timing often skew reality and create confusion. For example, getting married before the age of 25 to satisfy your parents, might just leave you feeling distressed for the remainder of your marriage as you realize it wasn’t a decision you made for yourself.
4. Increase face-to-face interactions: This may serve as a reality check to remind us how not everyone who goes by the “clock” is guaranteed happiness in life.
Just as being “on time” does not guarantee happiness, being “off the clock” does indicate failure. Remember to honor your own timeline first!
Personalizing your clock
1. The face: Imagine this, your life is a face of the clock. Your clock. We vary in our characteristics, beliefs, and attitudes which inevitably and invariably shape our lives, rendering all of us unique. Recognize this as the predetermined part on which you will choose to build.
2. The needles: Choose your own needle(s). Just as there are different needles moving at different speeds on the clock, you choose the pace at which your life advances, including different facets of your life. We are all distinctive in the way we make progress and that’s what unites us and divides us, in one stroke. Regardless of your choice- the hour, minute, or seconds needle- you still make a clock.
3. The numbers: The numbers are benchmarks in your life. Just as some clocks are limited to four digits, while some have none and others have all 12 digits, you get to choose the number of goals you want to accomplish. Each number is one personal goal.
These are some basic components that can help guide you toward paving a path that matters to you and not one that’s constructed simply to satisfy other people. Put these parts together, and lo! you have personalized your clock! One of the benefits of personalizing your clock is that you are the battery that drives it, the very heart of it. It empowers you to take the driver’s seat in your own life. Chalti ka naam gaadi, badti ka naam daadi!
In a world full of digital clocks, you may choose to be a digital clock and THAT’S OKAY! As long as it is your own decision. Your own choice.
We hope that building your own clock takes you one step closer to living the life you want while respecting the choices others make!