Dating is supposed to be exciting—a journey full of possibilities. But for many today, it’s become a loop of short-lived chats, mismatched expectations, and emotional burnout. If you’ve ever found yourself dreading the next date or feeling strangely numb in the middle of one, you’re not alone.
This sense of fatigue is increasingly common, especially as the process of meeting someone has shifted almost entirely online. We spoke with Ilisha—a therapist at Inner Planet and our resident expert on dating challenges—who offered a nuanced lens into what’s really going on behind this quiet epidemic of dating exhaustion. Here’s what she revealed!
1. The Digital Age and Decision Fatigue
Dating apps may offer convenience, but they come with a hidden cost: the sheer mental load of it all. Ilisha explains that for many heterosexual women, in particular, the unequal gender ratio on apps means they often find themselves “doing a lot of filtering before going on dates.” The result? What she calls decision fatigue—a kind of burnout from endlessly sifting through profiles, evaluating them, and remaining constantly alert to things like catfishing.
And it’s not just a women’s issue. She notes, “This happens with some heterosexual and gay men as well.” When the pathway to connection begins to feel like admin work, it’s no surprise the whole thing starts wearing people down—and takes a toll on their mental health.
2. The Weight of Expectation
Another factor fuelling this fatigue is what we bring into dating—our expectations. Many of us show up with checklists, hoping for a spark that should hit us instantly, or a kind of chemistry that aligns perfectly from the get-go.
But as Ilisha points out, “These expectations can often make people less open minded when getting to know someone new.” And when each first date doesn’t live up to that mental script, it creates a loop of brief interest followed by disappointment. Before long, we find ourselves back on the apps, swiping again—not because we want to, but because we feel we have to.
3. When Hope Becomes a Burden
Over time, the emotional weight of mismatched connections starts to pile up. Ilisha has seen this manifest in two ways. “One may continue to hold on to certain expectations, despite disappointments,” she says, which can lead to exhaustion and even more rigid standards. Alternatively, “one may become disillusioned with dating and disengage from it altogether,” which can, in turn, deepen feelings of loneliness.
Whichever direction it takes, the outcome is the same: dating stops being hopeful and becomes a burden.
4. Everyone Has an Opinion
In today’s world, dating doesn’t just happen between two people—it happens under the watchful eye of group chats, social media feeds, and an endless stream of advice videos. As if there weren’t enough dating challenges!
“There’s an increasing trend of content focused on what to expect from dating, how a person should behave on dates, or how your date will behave if they’re interested in you,” Ilisha notes. While intended to help, this advice is often contradictory—and emotionally exhausting. “Everyone has their own opinions,” she says, “and it becomes very confusing to form an opinion for ourselves when we’re constantly looking outside for answers.”
This overload of voices drowns out one of the most important ones: our own.
When to Pause?
Not all signs of dating fatigue are dramatic. Sometimes, it’s just a quiet sense of dread or disinterest. Ilisha encourages her clients to ask themselves a simple question: Is dating starting to feel like a chore?
Whether it’s the idea of opening another app, initiating another “Hey, how’s your day?” message, or even dressing up for a first date—if it all feels like an exhausting affair where you’re simply ticking boxes, it’s time to pause.
Rediscovering Your Own Voice
So, what now? When dating starts feeling like a loop, how do you break free without breaking down?
Ilisha suggests going inward. “One thing I strongly believe in and work on with my clients is becoming more intuitive in the dating process,” she says. This means stepping back from external opinions—whether it’s well-meaning friends or self-proclaimed dating gurus—and checking in with yourself: What do I want? How do I feel? What’s motivating me to date right now?
By tuning into your own emotional state and trusting your instincts, you’re more likely to make decisions that reflect your needs—not someone else’s expectations. And this mindful change will ultimately improve your mental health.
Dating fatigue doesn’t mean you’re broken, bitter, or unlucky in love. It simply means that somewhere along the way, the process stopped feeling aligned with who you are and what you need.
Take a breath, reassess, and if you need help reconnecting with yourself in this journey we’re always just a call away!