Is love a universal emotion, or do men and women experience it differently? Pop culture has long offered oversimplified answers—casting women as romantics and men as distant or detached. These portrayals have shaped how generations understand love—and often, misunderstand each other. Yet, contemporary research reveals a more nuanced and compassionate reality.
In this blog we focus on men and women because most research still centres on these groups. We place special emphasis on men, whose emotional experiences in the affairs of love are often overlooked or misrepresented.
By re-examining love through a research-backed lens, especially from the male perspective, we can begin to dismantle myths and foster deeper human connection. Let’s jump in.
What Research Tells Us About Love and Gender: Beyond the Stereotypes
The Truth About Who Falls First: One of the more surprising insights from research is that men often fall in love faster and are more likely to say “I love you” first. In a cross-national study involving 33 countries, men reported falling in love earlier than women, sometimes by as much as a month (Bode et al., 2025). Other studies echo this, showing men are not only quicker to feel love but more eager to express it (Sprecher & Metts, 1989; Odegard, 2021). Far from being emotionally unavailable, many men are likely to be romantic idealists.
Intensity & Expression: Yes, women tend to report greater emotional intensity—more frequent thoughts about their partner and slightly stronger romantic emotions (Bode et al., 2025). But this doesn’t mean men love less. In fact, their love often takes on a quieter but equally powerful form. A longitudinal study tracking couples over 13 years found that men expressed love through acts of service, shared experiences, and physical intimacy—gestures that speak volumes, even if unaccompanied by grand declarations (Schoenfeld et al., 2012).
Different Love Styles, Shared Devotion: Studies on love “styles” highlight trends rather than rules. Men may lean more toward eros (romantic passion) and ludus (playful love), while women might prefer storge (friendship based love), pragma (practical love), and mania (anxious love) (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1995; Hepburn & Crepin, 1984). These patterns enrich our understanding, but it’s crucial to remember: every individual loves in their own way.
How Media Shapes and Misshapes Our Ideas of Love
The Myth of the Emotionally Detached Man: In movies, books, and pop culture, women suffer insecurity in love and chase commitment, while men are shown as either comedic sidekicks or emotionally stunted. But this isn’t supported by research. In reality, men often experience deeper emotional reliance on their partners and suffer more post-breakup distress (Brincat, 2025).
The Undervalued Depth of Male Affection: Men frequently choose romantic relationships as their primary source of emotional support, especially in cultures where male vulnerability is discouraged elsewhere (Wahring et al., 2024; Collins, 2025). While women might turn to friends or family in times of need, men often look to their partner as the emotional cornerstone of their lives.
The Emotional Cost of Stereotypes and Misrepresentation
When Expectations Don’t Match Reality: Imagine this: a woman waits for heartfelt words or grand romantic gestures, but her partner shows love by waking up early to make breakfast or fixing a problem before she notices it. Media portrayals often teach us to value words over actions, leading to misunderstandings. But those daily acts of care, as studies show, are deeply meaningful expressions of love (Schoenfeld et al., 2012).
The Toll on Men’s Mental Health: Cultural scripts that frame male emotion as weakness can have devastating consequences. Suppressed emotional expression is linked to higher rates of loneliness and depression in men. In fact, single or divorced men often show greater psychological vulnerability than women in the same circumstances (Collins, 2025; Brincat, 2025).
Limiting Love to One Gender’s Concern: When the media overrepresents women as love’s sole champions, it reinforces the burden of emotional labour on women while trivialising men’s heartfelt experiences. This imbalance distorts not only relationships but our collective sense of what love truly is (Wood, 1994).
Embracing the Full Spectrum of Love
Quiet Gestures, Loud Messages: For many men, love lives in the details: checking the tire pressure before a long drive, preparing dinner after a partner’s tough day, or simply being consistently present. Often these acts aren’t flashy, but they are deeply intentional and emotionally significant (Schoenfeld et al., 2012).
Redefining Romance Through Male Perspective: Romance isn’t always about roses and poetry. For countless men, it’s about shared goals, humour, and teamwork. Recognizing these expressions can help both partners feel more seen and valued in their relationships (Brincat, 2025).
Toward a More Balanced Love Story: Welcoming male voices into conversations about love brings us closer to emotional equality. It normalises vulnerability in men and shows that devotion doesn’t always wear its heart on its sleeve. It also lifts the unrealistic burden from women to be the emotional guides in every relationship (Wahring et al., 2024; Brincat, 2025).
So, do men and women love differently? In some ways, yes. But the more accurate answer is: not as differently as we’ve been led to believe. Both genders share a profound capacity for connection, affection, and commitment. When we let go of outdated tropes and listen to the real stories—especially those often left unheard—we find a fuller, more compassionate understanding of love.
Because at the end of the day, whether through quiet acts, open declarations, or a mix of both, love’s essence is the same: to care deeply, give freely, and hold space for one another in an increasingly complex world. Understanding love deeply takes time. If you need help on this journey, we’re always just a call away!
References
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- Bode, A., Luoto, S., & Kavanagh, P. S. (2025). Sex differences in romantic love: An evolutionary perspective. Biology of Sex Differences, 16, 16. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13293-025-00698-4
- Brincat, C. (2025). Romantic hopes: Men actually crave romantic relationships more than women do. Scientific American, 332(6), 12. https://doi.org/10.1038/scientificamerican062025-2YvcTqBuIcGJoW5W40v8Be
- Cohen, M. T. (2024, November 29). Rom-coms: Can a movie genre impact our perceptions of love? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love-the-scientific-take/202411/rom-coms-can-a-movie-genre-impact-our-perceptions-of
- Collins, L. M. (2025, February 14). Who needs romance more: Men or women? Deseret News. https://www.deseret.com/family/2025/02/14/valentines-day-romance-men-women-relationship-love/
- Harrison, M. A., & Shortall, J. C. (2011). Women and men in love: Who really feels it and says it first? The Journal of Social Psychology, 151(6), 727–736. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224545.2010.522626
- Hefner, V., & Wilson, B. J. (2013). From love at first sight to soul mate: The influence of romantic ideals in popular films on young people’s beliefs about relationships. Communication Monographs, 80(2), 150–175. https://doi.org/10.1080/03637751.2013.776697
- Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (1995). Gender differences and similarities in sex and love. Personal Relationships, 2(1), 55–65. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00077.x
- Hepburn, J. R., & Crepin, A. E. (1984). Relationship strategies in a coercive institution: A study of dependence among prison guards. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1(2), 139–157. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407584012001
- Odegard, A. (2021). Who falls in love first? The role gender plays in love expression. Canadian Journal of Family and Youth, 13(3), 99–108. https://journals.library.ualberta.ca/cjfy/index.php/cjfy/article/view/29647
- Schoenfeld, E. A., Bredow, C. A., & Huston, T. L. (2012). Do men and women show love differently in marriage? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(11), 1396–1409. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167212450739
- Sprecher, S., & Metts, S. (1989). Development of the “Romantic Beliefs Scale” and examination of the effects of gender and gender-role orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6(4), 387–411. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407589064001
- Wahring, I. V., Simpson, J. A., & Van Lange, P. A. M. (2024). Romantic relationships matter more to men than to women. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 1–64. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X24001365
- Wood, J. T. (1994). Gendered media: The influence of media on views of gender. In Gendered lives: Communication, gender, and culture (2nd ed., pp. 231–244). Wadsworth Publishing. https://www1.udel.edu/comm245/readings/GenderedMedia.pdf