Assertiveness is a vital communication skill that enables individuals to express their opinions, set boundaries, and advocate for themselves while considering the perspectives of others. It is also closely tied to mental health, as the ability to assert oneself can reduce stress, anxiety, and feelings of helplessness. For women, assertiveness plays a crucial role in personal and professional growth, yet societal expectations often discourage it. Women who assert themselves may face negative labels, which can create challenges in leadership, relationships, and career progression.
So, let’s explore the significance of assertiveness in women and practical strategies for developing this essential skill.
Understanding Assertiveness in Women
Assertiveness exists on a spectrum between passivity and aggression. It involves expressing one’s needs and rights while respecting those of others.
- Passive behavior: Avoiding conflict, suppressing opinions, and prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own.
- Aggressive behavior: Dominating conversations, disregarding others’ feelings, and using forceful tactics.
- Assertive behavior: Communicating needs confidently and respectfully, standing up for personal rights without diminishing others.
Scholars have examined assertiveness from different perspectives. Booraem and Flowers (1978) highlight it as a means of open self-expression, while Lazarus (1973) views it as a tool for advocating for one’s rights in social and professional settings. These insights have influenced assertiveness training and discussions on gendered communication.
Why Assertiveness Matters for Women
While assertiveness benefits everyone, it plays a particularly crucial role for women. Societal pressures often discourage women from speaking up, setting firm boundaries, or advocating for themselves. Even in daily interactions, assertive women risk being labeled as aggressive, whereas assertive men are often praised as strong leaders.
These challenges, rooted in cultural norms and workplace biases, make assertiveness more complex for women. The consequences of this imbalance are far-reaching—women who struggle to assert themselves may face stalled career growth, unequal household dynamics, and difficulty setting personal boundaries.
The fear of being judged or penalized often leads to silence and feelings of insecurity, reinforcing these societal patterns. Over time, suppressing one’s thoughts and needs can take a serious toll on mental health. Chronic stress, anxiety, and diminished self-esteem often arise when individuals feel unheard and undervalued. Women who struggle with assertiveness may experience emotional exhaustion, particularly in environments where they are expected to be accommodating at the expense of their own well-being.
This pattern can contribute to feelings of helplessness and burnout, making it harder to engage confidently in personal and professional settings. Addressing this issue is not just about communication—it is about preserving mental well-being and fostering a sense of self-worth. Ensuring that women have the same opportunities to lead, grow, and advocate for themselves without unnecessary obstacles is a crucial step toward achieving equality and empowerment.
Barriers to Women’s Assertiveness
Cultural & Social Conditioning
Societal norms significantly shape how women express assertiveness. From a young age, girls are often encouraged to prioritize politeness and harmony over self-advocacy. Acharya, Sharma, and Nair (2016) found that women in Coastal Karnataka, India, struggled with assertiveness due to cultural conditioning that emphasized deference and self-sacrifice. Many were taught that maintaining family harmony and avoiding confrontation were key virtues, leading them to suppress their own needs and opinions.
This conditioning, according to the research, extended into adulthood, where speaking up—particularly in male-dominated spaces—was discouraged. Women who attempted to assert themselves often hesitated, fearing disapproval from family and society. This reluctance made it difficult for them to negotiate fair treatment at home, challenge workplace biases, or advocate for career growth without facing criticism.
Women who defied these norms often experienced social backlash, reinforcing the belief that compliance was preferable. While Western societies generally accept assertiveness, they still expect women to balance it with traditional gender roles. Kaciak and Memili (2023) found that highly assertive women business owners in Denmark received less family support, as they were perceived as self-sufficient, highlighting how assertiveness can sometimes lead to unintended consequences depending on cultural expectations.
Workplace Challenges
Women in professional settings often encounter biases that discourage assertiveness. Research indicates that assertive women are more likely to be seen as less likable compared to their male counterparts (Eagly & Karau, 2002). Additionally, Bowles and Babcock (2007) found that women who negotiate for raises or promotions experience greater resistance than men engaging in the same behavior. This contributes to women lagging behind their peers, possibly in terms of salaries, career progression, and leadership opportunities.
Race and Assertiveness
Race and identity further shape how women’s assertiveness is perceived. Rosette (2008) found that Black women may face fewer social penalties for assertiveness than White women but still encounter leadership barriers due to racial and gender biases. Additionally, racialized stereotypes—such as being perceived as overly dominant or emotionally resilient—can limit leadership opportunities. These factors contribute to the varied ways assertiveness is judged across different racial and ethnic groups.
Why Choose Assertiveness?
- Better Mental Health: Assertiveness reduces stress and anxiety by empowering women to communicate their needs clearly and stand up for themselves (Peneva & Mavrodiev, 2013).
- Career Growth: Women who assert themselves are more likely to advocate for better opportunities and career progression, despite workplace biases.
- Stronger Relationships: Clear and confident communication fosters mutual respect in personal and professional relationships, strengthening interactions.
- Personal Safety: Setting firm boundaries through assertiveness helps women avoid manipulation, coercion, and harassment, enhancing their sense of control and security.
Strategies for Developing Assertiveness
Developing assertiveness is a gradual process. It’s important to take it at your own pace and ask for help when needed. Small, consistent efforts can lead to meaningful improvements in self-expression and boundary-setting. Here are some practical strategies:
- Use “I statements” to express needs clearly and confidently. This approach shifts the focus from blame to personal experience, making it easier for others to understand and respect your perspective (e.g., “I need more time to complete this task” instead of “You’re rushing me”).
- Set clearer boundaries without over-apologizing. Over-apologizing can weaken your stance, while direct yet respectful statements make your boundaries clearer and more effective (e.g., “I can’t take this on right now” instead of “I’m so sorry, but I can’t”).
- Maintain confident body language, such as eye contact and a firm but calm voice. Nonverbal cues strongly influence how messages are received, reinforcing self-assurance and credibility.
- Balance confidence with warmth. Blending assertiveness with approachability helps navigate social and professional interactions more effectively. A friendly tone, open body language, and acknowledging others’ perspectives can make assertiveness feel more natural, fostering cooperation and reducing resistance.
- Consider therapy as a tool for growth. Therapy or coaching can be valuable for those who struggle with setting boundaries or expressing their needs. A trained professional can provide guidance, role-playing exercises, and personalized strategies to help build confidence in a supportive environment.
Assertiveness is a powerful tool for women seeking to overcome societal barriers and cultivate confidence in all areas of life. While the journey can be challenging, it is one worth taking. Every small step builds strength and self-assurance over time.
It’s important to be kind to yourself throughout this process. Assertiveness is not about being forceful or changing who you are—it is about advocating for yourself with clarity and respect. Progress may feel slow at times, but each effort brings you closer to a life where your voice is heard, your needs are valued, and your mental health care is prioritized.
References
- Acharya, V., Sharma, P. S. V. N., & Nair, S. (2016). Assertiveness in Indian context: Perspectives of women in coastal Karnataka. Online Journal of Health & Allied Sciences, 15(4). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/309403579_Assertiveness_in_Indian_Context_Perspectives_of_Women_in_Coastal_Karnataka
- Alghamdi, N. (2015). Anxiety and assertiveness in females: A comparison of medical and non-medical university students. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences, 6(3), 84-92. http://dx.doi.org/10.5901/mjss.2015.v6n3s2p84
- Collins, P. H. (2000). Black feminist thought: Knowledge, consciousness, and the politics of empowerment (2nd ed.). Routledge.
- Crawford, M. (1995). Talking difference: On gender and language. SAGE Publications.
- Gilligan, C. (1982). In a different voice: Psychological theory and women’s development. Harvard University Press.
- Kaciak, E., & Memili, E. (2024). The critical role of assertiveness of women business owners in the link between firm performance and family instrumental support. International Small Business Journal, 42(3), 308-334. https://doi.org/10.1177/02662426231196077
- Leaper, C., & Robnett, R. D. (2011). Women are more likely than men to use tentative language, aren’t they? A meta-analysis testing for gender differences and moderators. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 35(1), 129–142. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684310392728
- Lips, H. M. (1991). Women, men, and the psychology of power. Prentice Hall.
- Lips, H. M. (2017). A new psychology of women: Gender, culture, and ethnicity (4th ed.). Waveland Press.
- McCaughey, M. (1997). Real knockouts: The physical feminism of women’s self-defense. New York University Press.
- Sieghart, M. A. (2021). The authority gap: Why women are still taken less seriously than men, and what we can do about it. Doubleday.