Every choice to do something, is a choice not to do other things. That would be fine by itself, but now the average person spends about 2 hours a day on social media looking at the heavily curated life of friends, family, and celebrities/ pseudo-celebrities. The “perfect” social or private life paraded right in front of our faces. Tantalizingly visible to us, but always out of our reach. This may trigger envy, the what ifs, the social comparison that makes us feel like we’re living small lives, missing out on ALL the fun. Let’s discuss this societal hydra – FOMO, and how to deal with it.
What is Fear of MIssing Out (FOMO)?
You’re scrolling and you see a picture of that party you didn’t go to. Or maybe the vacation photos of an “influencer” beaching at 5-star hotels in exotic locations pushing unholy products in our face. Or a newly married couple on their extravagant honeymoon. This may trigger a set of intense and dreadful feelings. FOMO. It is the set of unhealthy negative emotions that are triggered when someone perceives themselves as “missing out”. A slew of emotions may come up like anxiety, anger, envy, jealousy, sadness, etc. FOMO has always existed in society (similar to the concept of social clocks) but now with the convenience of social media, our exposure to these stimuli have drastically gone up.
Signs of FOMO
The natural question that may arise is “how do I know if I have fomo?” Here’s a list of signs that may help you know if you have FOMO. These signs may be present in different degrees for different people and is by no means an exhaustive list. The best way to know if you have FOMO is to become aware of how much (if at all) it affects your mental health.The signs are as follows:
- Feeling a sense of negativity when comparing one’s own life to the activities portrayed by others on social media.
- Frequently monitoring social media to observe the activities of others.
- Experiencing mental fatigue after indulging with social media.
- Attempting to be present everywhere by overscheduling.
- Isolating oneself from others.
- Experiencing physical fatigue.
- Feeling a sense of sadness, anxiety, or depression.
- Encountering difficulties in concentration.
- Experiencing challenges in getting proper sleep.
As of now it is not a professionally diagnosable condition, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
The Psychology Behind FOMO
As social animals, the need to belong and feel socially connected is ingrained within our psyche. Imagine being picked first for a team. Feeling socially connected has been linked to a longer and healthier life. FOMO is the opposite of that. Imagine being picked last, or not even picked! FOMO is when we feel socially disconnected. According to researchers, establishing a sense of meaningful connection reduces stress, benefiting both the nervous and immune systems. On the contrary, the FOMO triggers responses in the brain akin to other anxiety conditions, activating a “fight or flight” response. The brain perceives a social threat, prompting heightened alertness. This, in turn, agitates the nervous system, leading to discomfort and a strong motivation to seek relief. Research shows social exclusion isn’t far away from the pain of physical injury. And FOMO can be exactly that; perceived passive social exclusion. Research also shows that FOMO has been linked to mental health issues. It has also been associated with depression, stress, and reduced life satisfaction. The unholy trifecta.
How to Resist the FOMO?
So what do we do? How do we deal with these complicated feelings? If you’re FOMO-ing, here are some ways to tackle it:
- Worth-It-Ness Analysis: Based on your personal needs, (different from wants) how often or how much social media do you require? Keeping your relationship with social media on a needs basis can help you free your mind from its incessant drone. You may notice which accounts/people trigger your FOMO and unfollow them. You may even completely remove the social medias if your lifestyle isn’t significantly hampered by it. The most important question to answer when analyzing is: What is it worth for you?
- Be Conscious & Cautious with your time: This moment just ended. There goes another one. Constructed in ways to keep you on the platform for as long as possible, social media can eat away at your time. Putting your time in activities and relationships that are fulfilling and meaningful can help reduce FOMO.
- The Rest is Life: Social Media is like a photo album that shows just the good times, the things people are proud of, the things they want to share with the world. Nobody’s lives can be as consistently thrilling or exciting as we’re led to believe on social media. Keeping this in mind when on social media, and knowing that everyone on there is a human being who has bad days, annoying relatives, etc, throws helpful light on a previously skewed perception.
How to accept FOMO?
Viewed from a holistic lens, FOMO isn’t just FOMO. It highlights important needs. How? FOMO is a feeling. Like all feelings it is a messenger, albeit a particularly challenging one to decipher at first. Ask yourself this question:
- What are the things that usually trigger your FOMO? Is it posts of couples, or vacations, or parties, concerts?
The answer to this question will help you deal with your FOMO. FOMO is trying to communicate something, to make you aware of a need. Based on your triggers, it could be that you want to be on a vacation like in that post, or you wish to travel, or find a compatible partner. Digging deeper and unveiling what your FOMO is trying to tell you can help address these needs. And if there’s nothing you can do right now, maybe you can chart out a plan and make it a goal in your life! Or tweak it into an achievable goal. To take mindful action towards relieving FOMO, while also living a fuller life. Win Win Win!
As long as there’s society, and social media, we will be at the risk of FOMO. But understanding the psychology behind it, specifically your needs, can help you deal with it efficiently. If you want support in your battle against FOMO feel free to reach out to professional help.